Rumors are swirling around the internet suggesting that former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has a rare form of testicular cancer that there is no cure for. The reports say that the beloved public servant has testisarcoma blastomyosis, which turns a man’s testicles into sponges for infection.
According to the New England Journal Of Healthcare:
“Testisarcoma blastomyosis is a rare form of cancer that is seldom fatal all by itself. It turns the testicles into a breeding ground for infection, leaving the host swollen, uncomfortable and often oozing orange-yellow puss from pimple-like pustules that form on the scrotum.
Often the infection will seep into the bloodstream, requiring massive doses of antibiotics and often becoming fatal. The cause of death in that case would be sepsis by testisarcoma, but it would still technically be infection, not cancer, that killed the patient.”
It sounds horrible, but does Joe Arpaio have it? According to his spokesman, he does not. If you ask local reporters, they will tell you that Arpaio is often spotted with small stains in that area on his pants. Our medical expert speculates that it may mean that Arpaio isn’t properly draining his pus every morning like he should.
At this time we can’t verify that Arpaio has cancer, nor can we discount his constant need to scratch himself or the tiny little pus stains he regularly leaves on his khakis.