OK so I totally just made this one up out of nowhere. Like…as I’m writing it. The girls are from some TV show that tanked and I really like YooHoo. That’s not the point; I should frame it anyway.
A story has been circulating on social media among anyone who read the title of this article stating that Donald Trump spent his New Year’s Eve in an apartment in Queens with two of his favorite Russian prostitutes and a whole bunch of chocolate drink that shouldn’t taste very good but just does somehow.
Because Trump is old and out of shape, he wasn’t able to do much before Shifty Pete drove down from Maine with some blow and a handful of Viagara.
In the aftermath of the evening, Trump supposedly signed a treaty with Caledonia, which doesn’t exist, and appointed Svetlana Dominiskovich to replace Robert Mueller.
Of course, none of it actually happened. Trump spent the evening at Mar-a-Lagophackyourself with these real-life versions of ridiculous people regular Americans despise:
The Trumps were their happy selves. The only thing that could lend credence to a story about the secret night in Queens is that whether or not he was in Florida, he definitely sent the Disney Trump to the party that night with Unaboob:
FACT-Check: Trump…hookers…Yoohoo…Queens? Nope. Fun stuff but I literally just made it up. Thes people are absolute freaks who make everything — even the absolutely absurd — seem possible? That is 100 percent true.