FACT-CHECK: Did Jeff Sessions Just Fire Robert Mueller?

A story is making its way around social media claiming that Jeff Sessions, The United States Attorney General, is planning to fire FBI Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller if he doesn’t resign by January 3rd. According to the story, Sessions is taking the pressure off of Trump by handling the situation himself and giving Mueller the ultimatum: Quit or be fired.

People don’t tend to recover from being fired by President Trump. Sean Spicer, who was rejected for a writing spot on The Daily Show because he “isn’t funny” and has “a face even a mother couldn’t love” is currently unemployed…and unemployable. Steve Bannon was laughed out to the street when he tried to run crying to Breitbart after failing at his job and Omarosa will be a single black unemployed mom with no book deal until she takes a job at Dairy Queen.

So that leaves the question…did Jeff Sessions fire Robert Mueller? The answer is without a doubt…maybe. We asked the White House Office of Information and Propaganda to clarify their position on Mueller. Director Art Tubolls told us:

“That Sessions can be a squirrely little bastard. He feels like Mueller isn’t doing the job and the President is paying for it. What appears to be a fairly normal act for an officer of the state becomes a remarkable act of patriotism when you consider the hell he’s about to go through.”

There’s no doubt that Jeff Sessions might be the guy to pull the plug, but is it confirmed and set in stone?

“No. That’s a story from a liberal satire site with disclaimers all over it. Try not to be so stupid.”

What we can confirm is that satire is becoming harder and harder to tell apart from reality these days. It’s almost like we’re living some poorly-produced, incentive-based game show full of nobodies. Like…Survivor. Except for Elizabeth Hasselbeck. We miss you Liz!.

We rate this claim complete and total bullhonkey.

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About Flagg Eagleton 37 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.